Losing my sh%%tt

I'm sitting here icing my foot.... because YES... I'm still suffering from foot pain due to the condition known as PLANTAR FASCIITIS. I'm icing. I'm stretching. I'm icing. I'm stretching. I'm OVER it. I'll tell you that. Ready to be done with the foot pain.

I had an insanely busy week last week. Very little sleep. I was barely hanging on to my sanity.

Last week was the wrap up week for illy issimo. So I was running all over town, dropping off materials to ship back to New York. I has to bring the van to multiple places to get it stripped of all its branding and return it to the leasing company, which way the F%% out in Canoga Park. If you thought it was hot in LA last week, it was ten degrees HOTTER in Canoga Park... WAY out there.

Since I knew that illy issimo was ending soon, it seemed like a no brainer to accept a gig from another agency to be a driver/brand ambassador for Hyundai. The trick was that they needed me to start right away. I told them the only way I could do it was if I could take the late shift. They said OK and I was locked in. I made the team.

So basically I would be driving around VIP clients and celebrities as part of a free car service offred by Hyundai. Ideally, I would be a driver at their disposal but also a spokesperson for the brand, offering up relevent information in regards to the cars and all their features.

During the day, I was hustling around doing wrap up stuff for illy issimo. At night I was driving people around in the Hyundai Equus, which is a $60,000 car.

Add to that the fact that I was coordinating a shoot for Sunday, trying to persuade more work to fall into my lap AND manage my fantasy football team... you can see how one my start to lose his sh%%t.

The wrap up duties for illy issimo were pretty easy. Driving out to Canoga Park was a bitch, only because its far away and I had to get Kristen to follow me out there so she could give me a ride home once I dropped off the van.

What really kicked my ass was the driving gig. I was meeting up with the day shift driver each day somewhere different, hopping in the car and taking the clients to dinner and the  out to some club.

I'm not really supposed to say WHO I was driving around but it was a VERY buzz worthy pop star from Korea who has a music video that's a gigantic world wide hit. Makes sense since Hyundai is made in Korea. Korean pop star drives around in Korean car, doing his donkey dance all over the world.

I actually drove his handlers and makeup artists and buddies around more than I did the pop star himself. They kept me really frggin busy, I'll tell you that. I was picking them up at restaurants and clubs in Koreatown every night at like 4AM and taking them back to the hotel. Going home and sleeping for a couple of hours, then getting up, taking the puppies out, eating some breakfast and either doing more illy issimo stuff or pre-production for the shoot on Sunday.

Friday night another driver and I dropped off the crew at a restaurant in K-Town around 10:45pm. One of the guys turned to me and told me that they would be there for a couple of hours. I pulled out of the parking lot and found spot to camp out on a nearby side street. The other driver and I hung out and chatted for a while. Then we got back into our cars to sit and listen to the radio, take a nap, pick our nose, whatever. I think I listened to every single channel that XM Radio has to offer. I spent a good 2 hours with the NFL Fantasy Football channel. Yes, they have a radio station that deals exclusively with Fanatsy Football.

Guess who I had for my starting RB's for week one? Guess? FRED JACKSON and DAVID WILSON. MAN! I got my ass KICKED this week. Fred Jackson got hurt  and he's out for at leats 3 weeks... his replacement, CJ Spiller... who has been a DUD of a player for the past 2 seasons... which I KNOW because I had him on my team the past 2 seasons... so CJ Spiller decides to SHOW UP this year and he has BREAK OUT game. GREAT timing CJ. So not only does Fred Jackson have to recover from a significant knee injury, he also has to come back and win his job back from a prized draft pick who has seemingly finally BLOSSOMED.

And David Wilson... ugh. First carry in his first game and he coughs up the ball to the COWBOYS?? I dont know what I'm going to do about him. He ended up scoring -1.5 points for my fantasy team in week one. Nice.

ANYWAY, I'm sitting in the Equus, listening to the radio. It's 1 o clock. Then its 1:30. Then its 2 o clock. Then its like THREE AM and I get out of the car and talk to the other driver...

"What the F%%%! Have you heard from them?"
"Nope."
"Do you think they are still in the restaurant?"
"No clue"
"What should we do?
"Sit here and wait, I guess."
"It's almost FOUR. Shouldn't they be calling us soon?"
"Maybe, they've been out late every night."
"I know, but is that restaurant even open still?"
"Good point. Lets pull the cars up and see whats going on."

So drive up like its Valet time and its like a GHOST TOWN over there. The restaurant is closed. The place is deserted.... and we have no clue what to do.

(To be continued)

So... we are standing there... two white boys in K-Town wearing our white shirts and black ties.... nice cars that dont belong to us.... and a quartet of missing pop start passengers.

"Where the F%%% are these guys?" I say to the other guy.
"Still inside the restaurant?Maybe."
I guess... there COULD be some sort of after hours joint in the basement.... but there is like... NOBODY here. No cars. No people. Not a sound. What if they already left?"
"How would they leave?"
"I don't know, maybe their phones died and they couldnt call us so they got a ride or took a cab."
"You think THESE guys are going take a cab?"
"If they cant call us. They dont where we are... they get a cab. They could be at the hotel right now... fast asleep... and we could stand out here til NINE in the morning before anyone tells us we can go home."
"Well... we're supposed to a 24 hour service."
"Dude, I'm exhausted. I want to go home and go to bed."
"Well, what do you want to do? Leave?"
"Pretty much. These guys bailed and dint bother to call us. They aint comin. I seriously dont want to stand here and watch the sunrise."
"I don't know."
"I'm going to text them. I'm going text their handler... then I'm going wait... twenty minutes...  til 4AM. If I don't hear from them and they dont show up, I'm out if here."

So I send a slew of text messages: "You guys okay?" "Where are you?" "Its James the driver, my shift is ending, need to take you home." "Hello?"

The clock strikes four and we've got nothin.

"I'm leavin dude."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah. There's NOBODY HERE man. Those guys are long gone."
"You're right."
"I know. Dude let's just go"

We both start our engines, fasten our seat belts, pull out the empty parking lot and speed off in opposite directions. Headed home. Home sweet home. I'm driving as fast as I can, man. I want to get back to my place and get into bed with wife, cuddle up and go to sleep. I'm about half a mile away when my G%%damn stupid Mother F%% PHONE rings. It's them... and they are ready to go back to the hotel.

"YOU gotta be F%%%king kidding me!!" I'm yelling at the top of my lungs while I do a gigantic angry u-turn on Vermont Avenue.

Two Hyundai Equus sedans rip around the corner at the exact same time and swiftly pull into the parking lot to happen upon a wasted Korean pop star and his 3 shitfaced friends.

I ended up getting home at FIVE AM... and slept for 2 and a half hours.

I drove again the next night and I was up at 6AM on Sunday for the shoot. Which went well... thanks for asking.

Didnt get a chance to watch any football on Sunday.... and I got KILLED in Fantasy Football this weekend.... thanks for asking.

There's always next week.





Leave a comment

    Add comment